My DIY

So this little interaction just happened. I take off for the hardware store during my lunch break. All I need are those paper lawn bags. Sure, it’s winter, but I wasn’t able to get to my leaves in time and lo and behold after Thanksgiving, you can’t find them.

I’m not your DIY kind of guy so every time I step into a hardware store I’m a little overwhelmed and amazed that your average person shops here, let alone actually builds or installs any of this stuff. New bathroom? Wow, you installed and put in all this effort where you want to shower and brush your teeth.

I walk in, I walk into another guy shopping. He’s got a few inches on me but a bit taller, but much older.

“Excuse you”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t even see you there. Honestly”

“Apparently, not”

Now at this point, I just apologized and was hoping that this interaction would be over soon, much like this errand. But no, it does not.

“Apparently you need to watch where the hell you’re going.”

“Look I said I’m sorry. I think I’m in the wrong aisle anyways.”

“Well what the hell are you even looking for over here, this is lawn and garden and it’s the dead of winter.”

(Mind you, I also bumped into this gentlemen in lawn and garden, but irony…well never mind)

Now here’s where it really just goes down hill.

“I was looking for rope actually.” then I sighed.

“Rope? just rope? Try Aisle 15”

Hold on, does this guy work here? Maybe he’s a frequently flier.

“Yeah, rope and a step stool.”

“I don’t need a receipt or nothing.”

The guy gets visibly uncomfortable. He starts to walk away and shakes his head and ‘shoos’ at me.

Now I could let this go and go back to work, but now I’m pretty unnerved at this guy. I decide to run around the store and look for a step ladder and rope. I stalk the gentleman from aisle to aisle until I figure out where he’s headed.

I quickly set up my step ladder which I do not intend to buy at all and I grab the rope and drape it over myself. Conveniently I am in the section with overheard shelves and can sling the rope over it.

He wanders down the aisle aimlessly and I just stare forward as if I am imagining this is the end. I glance down and notice he’s stopped dead in his tracks with his mouth wide open. I honestly don’t think he realized this was real.

I look down and pretend to realize he’s there…and I just hop off.

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