‘Pickle Rick’

I work at McDonalds…I’m going on 2 years paying my way through college (associates in business)…I’m going on 2 years smelling like french fries…I’m going on 2 years seeing “Michelin Man” children scream about happy meals…if I were to do stand up, that’d be my first joke “there’s nothing happy about ’em! HEYO!”…well… (as you can see, I won’t quit my day job)…until today.

Everyone loves the show, even I watch it. I think its hilarious and when the manager told us we’d be getting a shipment of this sauce, I thought it was novel. How wrong could I have been?

I don’t think anyone could have predicted the amount of fandom this would create. Fast forward to the exact moment I turned to my boss and said ‘I quit.’ I had already been threatened by two customers, separate incidents about their food being ‘spoiled’ and that they were going to call the health department to shut us down.

Another customer, who I assume fought in some war, told me I should make something of myself as he stood there and ordered a quarter pounder (ugh, thanks for the advice, oh, and …thank you for your service). Someone even tried to ‘haggle’ the price of a combo meal.

It’s 1:13 PM and know, we have not run out of this sauce yet. I am standing there, on hour 4 of my day and this hipster as fuck kid walks in and he’s looking right at me. He’s doing that ‘not break eye contact’ thing so I know somethings going to happen. How do I know? I work at McDonalds where people yell ‘bombs away’ and throw their drink back through the drive thru, where ketchup gets thrown on the ceiling in the bathroom or smear on the mirror, perverted old man watch porn on free wi-fi, and yes, the youth of our nation, people my age, come in and act a fool.

I am not immune to funny, and some days, I welcome the interruption, but today wasn’t my day apparently. The guy walked up and mumbled something and belched. I asked for him to repeat it and there he goes. “I’M PICKLE RICK! I’M PICKLE RICK!”



“Sir, is that the only thing you want?”





Ok, at this point I am annoyed. Everyone has pretty much stopped in their tracks. Customers are backing away like skiddish farm animals, phones are being pulled out. I think fast and just grab a container of sauce hoping to appease the customer. I put it on the counter and he stops, picks it up and stares.  It really only made things worse. The guy smiled at me, jumped on the counter and started screaming again.

He stomps on the container and sauce goes everywhere. While he’s chanting and marching back and forth on our counter I hear my manager yelling at me, yelling for someone to call 911. At this point, I no longer care, I do not want to clean up after this guy, I do not want to work here anymore, and I definitely do not want this guy to run off with out some sort of repercussion.

On the next pass as he’s marching and yelling, I grab him by the shoe laces and pull as hard as I can. He falls backwards and I see him land flat on his back gasping for air. I toss my hat off and take off my apron and walk out.

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